Archive for the porn Category

How can one man be so talented and unsteady?

Posted in guitar, humor, music, musical equipment, porn, rock, songwriting on April 15, 2009 by finerstacy

I’m in a band so I figure I’d tell you some tales from THE ROAD.   Or  about our journey to making it on the road.  Or still trying to make it on to the road.  I’ll pick the last one.  Okay so after living in a Los Angeles for a year so, playing a lot of open mic nights and studying guitar with my  teacher David I was in throws of auditioning band mates.   At least two or three times a week I was either meeting someone at a coffee shop (before they all became Starbucks), meeting someone at a boba bar (before they all became pinkberrys) or heading out to Van Nuys to shoot some porn.  Wait, wait, I mean being introduced to the wonderful world of porn video editing.   Most auditions included me playing them my C grade demo(compliments of the NYC band NEED-all awesome musicians, but there’s only so much a great player can do with my song called “I see you” that never says what is being seen) talking about world domination and a quick discussion about what current day job we were holding until we got the call from Bono.

So I show up at this “office” park and I meet a guy named Jon and we went into his “office”.  He told me his job was “editing” porn. He did not shoot the videos.   He just channeled his unused creative juices into pairing down the wide angle footage from earlier in the day.  He said “I like your music but it’s not for me. I would never play that many notes.”    Okay, so if I ever talk bad about porn it’s because I was rejected by the industry at very early stage in my career.   Right then I flashed back to college where I was making a demo somewhere in Massachusetts and we happened to be right below a “business” that was making exotic videos.   I was starting to see a theme.  Music and sex. Wow, this could really catch on.  Maybe if there were some sexy guys and girls in music videos people would really dig it.  I have to tell someone about this.   This could be huge!  So after about 300 auditions and enrolling myself at the Musician’s Institute in Hollywood.  I met  Reuben a great guitar player and Ethan, a master bass player (I don’t have to say that because he is my husband, I have to say that because he is in my band. No, no, he is that good).  We went through about 20 drummers each one imploding upon himself like the drummers in Spinal Tap. The few guys we did get to play with were great but nobody stuck around long enough to  make it work.    It seemed we spent more time auditioning players than actually playing out.  One guy showed up in with his entire body covered in leather,  sat on a metal stool, put on some tap shoes and said that the chemistry we all had was magical. Nice guy, just note our SOLE mate.   One guy made us wait four hours until he showed up.  I kept saying to the band “this could be the guy, let’s give him a chance”.   He finally showed up in a yellow SUV with the words stenciled in bold letters  into his back window “How can one man be so talented”.  I kid you not.   One kid ditched several of our auditions because he was doing “modeling” shoots.   All the while I kept making excuses for these guys.  One guy said he only joined the band to play with Ethan.  He said it was like “dating a girl just for her tits.”  He said that to my face.   Ouch!  So when we finally had our audition with the drummer in the yellow SUV who was so talented, who forgot to bring cymbals or a drum kit, who we let use our practice space mates kit (say that three times fast), who couldn’t keep time for nothing, as all this was going I saw Ethan and Reuben literally turn their backs  so as to not get caught up in his energy and it hit me right there with each over accented crash what a fool I had been. I was facing two of the best musicians I was ever going to hear and I had put every Tom, DICK and Harry before them.   Ethan who plays just about every thing perfectly and groovy and IN TIME, and Reuben whose vibrato was so  sweet it makes grown men cry didn’t deserve this.   So when we finally parted ways and Ethan and I headed to Indianapolis, I played some footage over in my head.   “Stacy, you love everybody, you do, but do the people who deserve it know how much you appreciate them?  Do the people who show up everyday to rehearsal and slug it out in the bars  know how great they are and how much they add to your life?  Well, if they don’t you might as well say “How can one woman be so quiet? How can one band leader be so silent?” Men of Finer you rock my world. Don’t you ever forget it. And don’t forget to keep time.

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