Archive for the grandparents Category

Dreaming of a Poker Face

Posted in grandparents, humor, music, poker on April 22, 2009 by finerstacy

Back to me and my lone reader.  That’s cool.  Alone time is always a good time especially when we you have an active imagination like me.  What one of my in-laws is dating Landon Wainwright and he wants to give me a record deal and put me on tour?  What Rufus wants me to pose on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine with him?  I think I have time  for that.  I mean I will have to check my schedule.  Or the men of Ocean’s 11, 12, and 13 want to take me to Vegas to really learn how to  play poker?  No problem Mr. Clooney, I mean George, I will teach everything I know.  Oh, you mean you have not heard about me and the circuit I run with?  It’s called the Pines of Del ray.  Del ray Beach, Florida.  You have to be over 65 or in my grandmother’s case over 80 but they let me play because I am so good.  So good at losing.  And seriously if you want to know what I know I’ll show you the way.  It can be tricky at first but here it goes.  First let a woman who has raised children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, maintained a fairytale like marriage for over 60 years and who manages to look perfectly put together at all times (even when she wakes you up in the middle of the night to eat her famous spaghetti and meat balls) deal the cards.  Watch how this classy lady turns into a shark and shuffle  a stack like it is windmill on full blast.  Feel the breeze of the deck hitting your face and blowing your hair back like a Beyonce concert during an upbeat sweaty dance routine.  Now really feel  the ground shake as each card floats to the table and magically lands in a neat pile waiting for you to pick them up.  Got me so far?  Next you handle the cards one at a time to make her think you know what you are doing.  Is that a club or diamond?  No matter, keep your poker face going and you might be able to fool her.  Switch the cards around a few times to make her believe you have many options to victory.  Even close your eyes, smile and imagine the early bird special you are going to buy with your winnings.   O’Charlies has fantastic fried onion rings  that could easily deserve your hard earned cash.   They come on the side and are delightful with ketchup and mustard.  Oh I’m sorry George did you say something?  Okay so after you have traded a few cards the moment of truth will arrive.  All of your training has lead up to this very moment so don’t blow it by talking about the extra birthday present you didn’t get last year.  “Grandma, what do you have? All bets are off if you have that 2 card I was looking for.”  Watch as she casually lays her hand on the table . “A royal flush, oh how original Grandma!  Is that all you got?  A flush? How about mixing it up a little to show you know how to do something else? Me, what do I have?  Well, I have a 2, a 4, a jack, a 7 and 10!  How is that for creativity!  Pretty good huh?  I bet you didn’t see that coming.  What? You want to use your winnings to get me sundae?  Okay, I guess I can let you do that.  But this is the last time! ”  George what are you saying?  I am in the middle of a story.  What? Lady Ga Ga called and she wants her title back.  Okay, just a minute I have to finish this last scoop of ice cream.