Archive for July, 2010

The Grandest of Canyons

Posted in humor on July 15, 2010 by finerstacy

The grandest of canyons.  The world cup is over is, hearts were made and broken and now it’s time to gather round the camp fire and listen to a story from Grandma Stacy.   It will cheer the hearts of the losing team and add more joy to the victors.  Now I am not even a mother yet, but I have imagined telling my family this story one day in the distant future so humor me and get your s’mores ready.

Back in high school, during a time of light acne, student council races and homecomings, I got to take a break from it all and backpacked with friends out west.  We traveled from Colorado to California, kissed the sky while rock climbing and bathed in the rivers as we kayaked.  One evening on a night before our big Grand Canyon hike, a few of my friends and I got separated from the group.  Coincidentally we were going to a movie about hiking safety and the value of staying in contact with your trip leader.  So we were not off to a great start.  In a flash we were alone in the woods.  5 teens, 5 flashlights and Bambi.  No sooner then you could say Spidey sense were we surrounded by deer.  It was like the ultimate set up for a horror movie.  Now all we need was Carmen Electra to run by screaming and it would have been the set up for a classic.  The deer were intense.  They did not blink.  A few had horns and the others were equally strong in stature.  My friends and I stood there in our soon to be tarnished sandals and waited and waited.  It seemed like forever.  Were the animals our friends?  Were they telling us to get out of their home?   Were they insulted by our lack of fashion sense and our neon fleece jackets?   I had never felt so frozen but at the same time alive in all my life.  But in an instance they were gone and we were back on the hunt for the others.    I guess our sandals with socks fashion debacle were forgiven.  One friend who always came up with classic lines such as “This was not in the brochure!”, was keeping us rolling on the floor laughing.  It was a statement uttered as we had been on 4 day excursion that included so much rain you could barely see the ground in front of you or the rocks beside you and the pounding water  kept your shoulders slouched and your head strained on the unseen ground.   So much for natural luxury.    This time my buddy whispered in a creepy and perverse voice something to the effect “Hey Bambi what do we got to do to get out of this place?”  He would have done the Joker proud.   I guess he was just keeping with the scary movie theme.    We were still near the Grand Canyon on the cusp of a tourist camper’s heaven but had no way to reach the summit.  No leader, no map, no sense of direction and only a few Quaker oats bars to go around.  Where were the cheese Combos when you needed them?  The next step in our movie was the old abandoned shack.  I kid you not, there was a rundown shack and of course to go along with it was an old man.   That’s when we knew it was our turn to get the heck out of there.  We ran single file.  We ran fast and kept running.  Soon we reached the road.   I could hear the movie score in my head.    First came the patter of little feet on gravel.  Then the music conductor would yell “Cue the timpani drums!”  With each hit of the drum we would be one step closer to our demise.   But our story did not end in disaster, it ended with us running into a hotel in the woods.  A huge lodge, something the Grizzwalds would have stayed in a Vacation movie.  The architecture and decor was straight out of the 1970’s.  Even the yellow lights lighting up the welcome sign had the words time warp written all over it.   The guy at the front desk gave us a map.   We found our campsite and returned to find out no one had even known we were missing.  Seriously, we were already coming up with our obituaries.  “Good looking kids go down with a fight.”    But alas we were back with our friends munching on camp fire snacks and thanking the Grand Canyon gods for showing us a good time.    And for leaving Carmen Electra out of the script so we could be the pretty ones in our own adventure.

Finer we will be at Urban Elments for an acoustic evening in downtown Indianapolis on July 24th and will be rocking it at Birdy’s on July 28th. has all the info.